Self-Preservation: Motherhood Edition

"Self-care" is a term that is used a lot but it can be hard to really understand what it means and why it’s so important. Life can be busy and it's often difficult to know where to focus the limited resources we have. But if we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect to take care of anyone else, especially a new baby? For those who are just embarking on the journey to motherhood, pregnancy symptoms can make it hard to take care of ourselves. Some may feel glowing and enjoy the experience but for others it comes with lack of sleep, anxiety, fatigue and physical discomfort. And when baby arrives, the physical implications of recovering from birth and becoming responsible full-time for a new little person can be enormous. When we aren't feeling physically well, this can have an impact on our emotional and psychological wellbeing. It can often be hard to think of doing something extra for ourselves, especially because it usually involves some effort. However, this is probably when we need it most. When you think about self-care, try to imagine the things you would do for others if you thought they were struggling.

Taking care of your physical needs

When our bodies feel good, we feel good. So taking care of your physical needs can be a great place to start. Are you drinking enough water? Eating nutritious foods (when you can)? Getting rest (yes, bingeing on Netflix while baby naps counts!) and some gentle exercise (walking, stretching, swimming)? If you are able to add in some extra pampering that’s great too - getting your nails done, having your hair done, massage.

Attending your check-ups with medical professionals and telling them how you really feel is also part of this; people can’t help if they don’t know.

Taking care of your emotional needs

If we feel alone and overwhelmed, we are not able to function as well or problem-solve, which is usually needed with a new baby whose needs keep changing. Managing your expectations as a new parent is key and setting the bar low in relation to what can be achieved in a day is a good place to start. Everyone needs help - it might be hard to ask for it so thinking about this in advance will make it easier when the time comes.

Making time to bond with baby and noticing all the little changes they're experiencing can help you tune in to the fact that this is a very brief moment in time. It may seem unbelievable, but you will miss some of the things you are now finding difficult. Meeting up or speaking to others who are in the same boat can also be really helpful. Spending all your time alone with baby can make your world feel very limited. Getting out may be hard, but is usually worth it. There are also loads of mum and baby groups online if that feels like an easier place to start. Online groups can also help us realise there are lots of others feeling and experiencing the same things as us. When it feels possible, getting out with friends and doing things we used to enjoy before baby can help us remember that while a lot has changed, there are a lot of things that have stayed the same. You may feel very different, but many elements of the old you are still there, and will re-emerge in time.

Taking care of your mental health

We all have different levels of awareness or willingness to proactively take care of our mental health. It can be hard to know when things are no longer ok. Being open to reflecting on how you are doing in terms of your mental health is a good start. Tune in to how you speak to yourself when things are hard. Those who show more self-compassion (talking to themselves like they would to a good friend) usually navigate the big changes in motherhood more easily. Taking time to do things that help you relax and setting boundaries with those around you will also help buffer the impact of some of the challenges motherhood brings. You know yourself best, if you feel things are not okay, it’s likely they probably aren’t, so seek professional help. At the very least you’ll get a chance to chat to someone and be reassured. If you do need help, you’ll get it sooner which usually means you’ll be feeling better quicker too.

Remember that taking care of yourself is not a luxury but a necessity during pregnancy and in the fourth trimester. By taking care of yourself first you are also making sure you will be able to care for your baby and navigate the challenges and joys of early motherhood more easily.